itgoeslikethis

funny, isn't it? how you sometimes try to shut your ears but the words and noise get through anyway.  you can't drown it out.  your ear-holes are too small to stop with richly scented wine corks and your brain whirs and hums in a way only death can shut off.  and the outside world leaks in through your pours till it permeates everything. till the dangerous sparks flashing in your head go quiet and the new cogs buzz and whine like they've always been there, part of the mechanical background.  you don't even notice you've been fine tuned because its a part of you now; the way your toes and chin are a part of you, and your eyes and mouth, so th

break is fast approaching.  good, for all of us, i should think.  i am ready to see family, to be silly and foolish and mocked for it in that way only siblings can manage.  i can't wait to talk to mom, and grandma, to have a meaningful conversation with dad and enjoy nature as we live and breathe it.  i'm sure it will seem too short when it is time to leave but i want to make each day count, every moment, the mist and the rain or the sun, if it makes an appearance.  maybe i will see some friends, maybe not, but i will have reached the half way mark of my term of service and when i return to work i hope it will be with enthusiasm and determina

i am writing ridiculous amounts and i know i am a broken record but i blame the sickness in my throat and stomach and head, too.  the world the world the world... i don't know what to make of it, most days.  achy, stomach sickly hollow, i'm not overly inclined toward positivity.  my skin has broken out from all of the sweat and fever and though i am not despairing i am darkly amused and a bit detached.  i'm swallowing words off book pages and spitting out my own, pallid in comparison, rambling certainly, but when the mood strikes well, one goes with it, mostly. or maybe that's just me and who am i to speak for people outside of myself? in tw